Obsessed
by Leper Messiah
Summary: Remus has a crush on Sirius, who doesn’t seem to catch on. Oh, and it's slash. (Yay.) Rating will go skywards after a few chapters.
1. Chapitre le Premiere

Dark, McAngsty Angst fest. Remus has a crush on Sirius, who doesn't seem to catch on. This is a dark fic, but  
I'm a sucker for happy endings, so be confident that somewhere along the line there will be some nice slashy  
slashness. To give you an idea as to when - this story should be more than 5 chapters of similar lengths to this  
one.  
  
I don't know why people bother to write disclaimers anymore …but, gee, no, I don't own these characters.  
(Surprised?) If I did, the Fundamentalist Christians would have a whole slough of other reasons to hate this  
series.  
  
Enjoy!  
  
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_I can't take it anymore._  
  
Remus was growing up. And part of that growing meant … changing. Not only physically, but emotionally as  
well. He started to notice things, about other people. Thing he didn't necessarily want to notice. Things like …  
smiles, and lips, and eyes, and, particularly, nice arses. This made Remus feel very uncomfortable sometimes.  
Especially when he found himself gaping at his friends in not-so-platonic ways.  
  
Of course, if they ever found out he was gay, they wouldn't judge him, anymore than they had when they'd  
found out he was a werewolf. No, that wasn't the problem.  
  
_Sirius …_  
  
Remus had found himself becoming more and more obsessed with Sirus Black, ever since he had walked in on  
the taller boy showering, right after the Christmas hols.   
  
But then again, everyone was obsessed with Sirius Black.  
  
And in that was the problem.   
  
Remus couldn't tell if he _liked_ Sirius or not. Obviously they were friends, and they cared for each other in that  
way, but Remus wasn't sure if he cared about Sirius in any deeper way. Then he found himself wanting Sirius  
very, very badly. In a way that hurt sometimes, when he thought too much. But he didn't just want a physical  
relationship. He couldn't live with just a physical relationship. He needed love. But could he love Sirius?  
  
Sometimes, Remus hated Sirius. Sometimes, he wanted him to die. Sirius could get away with anything. No  
one ever told him he was wrong - they couldn't. Within his good looks, Sirius held a persuasion that beat every  
qualm. Sirius was mean. He was not a good person. Remus cried sometimes, because he couldn't stop him  
from hurting others. And then Sirius would make him feel better, because, if he tried, he could fix anything. But  
he never wanted to fix things, only break and humiliate them.  
  
It would be hard for Remus to love someone like that. For anyone to love someone like that.  
  
Remus, along with the majority of students at Hogwarts, wanted to jump Sirius. Unfortunately, Sirius was the  
one who ended up doing all the jumping, and therefore was very haughty and selective with the elite few he  
chose to associate with. Sirius carried himself in a way that made it okay for him to treat people badly. And,  
try as they might, no one could resist his shameless and conceited self. Girls demoralized and spoiled  
themselves, throwing themselves practically at Sirius' feet, even if they already had relationships. And Sirius  
reveled in it. He liked to make people feel bad.  
  
Remus had one thing over everyone else, however. Something that did set him apart from the rest.  
  
Sirius made a point of never befriending his followers, merely stringing them along and leaving them alone when  
he got bored. Sirius didn't have many friends at all, only a handful with whom he would share his thoughts and  
hopes and fears. And Remus was one of them. That alone gave him something of a chance.  
  
But could he still be friends with Sirius, in the unlikely event that anything did happen between them? As far as  
Remus knew, Sirius hadn't ever had a relationship with anyone. Ever. So was it likely that they could be both  
physically and emotionally attached at the same time? No. Never.  
  
It was hard for Remus, to be so close to Sirius, and yet unable to say or do anything. His temperament was  
being dragged on an emotional roller coaster; Sirius would brag about his endeavors, thereby upsetting Remus.  
Then he would comfort Remus, inflating him with joy and hope and possibility. Remus would be walking on air  
… until he crashed back into depression with the next of Sirius' scandalous tales. It was a continuous cycle of  
despair and crushed hopes. And it had to stop, somehow …  
  
_I can't take it anymore …_  
  
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There's the first chapter. Hope you liked it. If any of you canon-watchers find anything amiss, feel free to bug  
me about it. If anyone reads this story, I'd be curious to know what you think thus far. Thanks! 


	2. Chapitre le Deuxieme

Okay, these next two chapters take a break from angst. Why? I'm in a good mood.  
  
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"What are you doing?"  
  
Remus spun around quickly; caught. It was Severus Snape. Of course, he would be the only one snooping around in the potion's classroom past hours. "H ... hallo, Severus. How's you?"  
  
"What are you doing?" Snape asked again, sharply.  
  
"Oh, I, um, forgot something." Remus remembered the vial he had been holding, and hid it obviously behind his back. Snape feigned a step to his right, and swiftly snatched the jar from Remus.  
  
"Nightshade ..." Snape wondered aloud. He looked up. "Hope this wasn't meant for me ..." Remus shifted, uncomfortable. "No, you wouldn't. What's wrong, Lupin?" Remus remained silent. "Don't tell me you've finally realized that all your friends are actually fiends and decided to off yourself?" Remus crossed his arms, gazing uncomfortably away from Severus. "Merlin ..." he stared at the vial, and then back at Remus. "Where did you get this? It wasn't just, lying about, was it?" Remus nodded slowly. "What idiot – good luck for you, then, I suppose."  
  
"Why are you here, Severus?" Remus asked quietly. He was cornered, and had no way of escaping until the obnoxious Slytherin moved from the doorway.  
  
"I actually have forgotten something, Lupin. And a good thing, too ..." Snape watched Remus squirm with uneasiness. "If you want to leave, I won't stop you. But you're not taking this with you." Remus hesitated before walking forward, intending to grab the jar and run. Before he could, Snape had wrenched the lid off. The werewolf stopped, unsure of how Severus would proceed. "Incendio."  
  
"You can't do that!" Remus lunged forward, too late. "That's very expensive."  
  
"Yes; it's imported. Though not hard to obtain. Unfortunately." Remus gulped, watching, destitute, as his glorious plans smoldered into a pile of ashes. "Sorry, Lupin."  
  
"Good night, Severus." Remus muttered as he ran out into the classroom and towards the hall. Snape caught the fleeing werewolf by the robes as he passed by.  
  
"Why would you do that to yourself?" I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be brave." Severus asked, masking any concern with quiet contempt.  
  
"Sod off, Snivellus." Remus couldn't think of anything better to say, and instantly regretted his words.  
  
"That does hurt." Snape sneered. "From you. Resorting to the clever endearment created by your lovely friends –"  
  
"I'm sorry, Severus. I am. Really." He took a long breath. "I'm in a bad way. I could do without the interrogation."  
  
"Oh?" Snape was surprised at the ease with which Remus confessed to The Enemy. "Do continue."  
  
"I'm just ... it's personal. Don't ask. Please. Don't ask."  
  
"Fine." Severus loosened his grip, allowing Remus to leave. "But whatever it is, I'm sure it's not worthy of all this drama."  
  
"How would you know?" Remus mumbled, straightening his garments.  
  
"Because nothing personal is worth dying for. Besides ..." Severus paused, uncertain. "You don't have to spend all your time with them, you know."  
  
"And whom do you propose I spend it with, you?" Remus smiled awkwardly. "That's laughable."  
  
"I'm just saying," Snape replied defensively, "you do have ... options." Remus watched the other boy for a moment, thinking.  
  
"Ta. Ta, Severus." He rolled his shoulders and walked into the empty corridor. "Thanks a lot."  
  
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I know this is very formulaic, but isn't that the point of slashy fanfiction? Everyone always ends up screwing at the end, regardless. 


	3. Chapitre le Troisieme

In which Sirius becomes angry at Remus. (As usual.)  
  
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"How you could associate with that thing is utterly beyond me. I mean, I can't see – "  
  
"It's no business of yours, and he's not a 'thing.'" Remus smiled to himself, sure of his winning the battle. "Anyhow, you're just upset that I've befriended someone who doesn't worship at the altar of Sirius Black."  
  
"Not true." Sirius was boiling with anger. "It just upsets me to see my best friend –"  
  
"James is your best friend." Remus tried as hard as he was able to channel his love into rage. Perhaps then ... "Everyone knows that." James grew pale as Sirius glanced towards the other two Marauders. James slowly backed behind Peter.  
  
"I – wow." Sirius struggled with a variety of words before formulating a clear statement. "How can you say that? After all we've –"  
  
"I'm just one of your devotees, Sirius. It's quite obvious to me. You treat me horribly. At least James has been elevated to mindless disciple. I suppose he –"  
  
"What are you talking about? Sirius leaned over his friend, menacing. "I don't know what that slimy git has been telling you, but –"  
  
"Severus hasn't been telling me anything!" Remus shouted, looking away from Sirius, intent on holding onto his anger. His three friends shifted silently. "He's just ... made me realize things I couldn't articulate before."  
  
"What do you mean?" Sirius loomed closer, losing control of the situation and about to impose his ever-reliable appeal onto the unwanting werewolf.  
  
"I'm not ... like you." Remus admitted. Sirius' eyes narrowed.  
  
"What do you mean, you're not like me?"  
  
"It's not just you, Sirius. I mean ... all of you. I'm not comfortable around you any more. We've ... grown apart."  
  
"What?" Sirius went wild with anger, grabbing his friend and shaking his roughly as the others watched. "What do you mean 'grown apart?' Explain yourself, Remus, or I'll ... I'll ..." Remus blinked back tears as Sirius finally threw him back into the chair where he had been sitting.  
  
"Sirius." James started, wanting to calm his friend.  
  
"Shut the fuck up, James!" Sirius shrieked. James retreated back to his corner. "I want to hear his explanation."  
  
"I don't have one. I don't." He inhaled deeply. Either he would make a break here, or remain silent, allowing things to fall back into their place. He made a choice. "I don't want to be friends with you any more."  
  
"You ... you traitor!" Sirius grabbed Remus again, dragging him to his feet. "We've been through hell for you, bastard! When have we ever done you wrong? When have – you little asshole! You little pansy –" Remus shocked even himself by throwing a blind punch into Sirius' nose, so hard he could feel something break. Sirius backed away, blood streaming from his nose. "We turned animagus for you, we, we ..."  
  
"I've ... got to leave now." Remus ran towards the door, passed a stunned James Potter and horrified Peter Pettigrew. "I'm sorry."  
  
"What ... just happened?" Sirius asked meekly.  
  
"I don't know." James replied quietly, rushing for a handkerchief, and balling it up. "Here." Peter regarded the floor with intense interest.  
  
"Can you believe that?" Sirius recovered some of his pride, wiping the blood from his face. "That Snivellus would have the nerve ..."  
  
"Sirius ..." James stood back, intent on avoiding the reaction that had sent Remus running. "Maybe it wasn't Severus."  
  
"Oh, fuck you James." Sirius looked at James apprehensively. "What do you mean?"  
  
"It's ... you know he doesn't enjoy ... what we enjoy ... sometimes. We can get," James swallowed, unwilling to admit his faults, "out of hand. Every once and a while."  
  
"Yeah." Peter added softly. "That is true."  
  
"So, what? You think we should give in to that sniveling –"  
  
"To Remus." James snapped. "To Remus."  
  
"Fine." Sirius conceded. "I'll talk to him. Later. When he comes back. Now can somebody take me to the fucking infirmary?"  
  
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Like, OMG! Yes, there will be actual slash in the next chapter. 


	4. Chapitre le Quatrieme

PG Slash warning. (No sex though. Yet ...)  
  
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"Why does Sirius hate you?"  
  
Remus Lupin and Severus Snape were laying on the frayed carpet in the Astronomy tower. It was late – they had no idea of the time, only that they had been talking for hours. They talked about all sorts of things, things they had never felt comfortable talking to with their "real" friends.  
  
"A long time ago ..." Severus frowned, thinking. "There is a definite answer to that question. Surprisingly." He looked at Remus. "You know, he wasn't so bad to me at the beginning. Until the end of first year."  
  
"I know."  
  
--------------------------------Meanwhile--------  
  
"This is never going to work."  
  
It was after midnight and the occupants of Gyffindor tower were far from asleep. Sirius Black and James Potter, concerned for their friend's well- being, were attempting to create a "seeing" potion in order to watch his movements.  
  
"Yes it will," replied Sirius, stirring a boiling cauldron. James and Sirius had placed their potion conveniently hideable against James' bed skirts, just incase any prefects of teachers happened upon their project. "Is it really supposed to spit like that?" James stood watching the cauldron, unwilling to get any closer.  
  
"How am I supposed to know?"  
  
"Read the spell, perhaps?" James picked the book up from his bed, and read carefully. "It's supposed to spit for another minute or so, and then we add the powder on top, and it should create a sort of ... gloss." James frowned. "Where did you find this thing, anyway? Didn't happen to be in the restricted section?"  
  
"Naturally!" Sirius lifted his sleeve, shielding his eyes from a large glob of potion. "You know ... I often wonder why they bother to have that section."  
  
"Me too. Look," James crouched down. "It's stopped."  
  
"Excellent. Now for the powder ..." Sirius emptied a small vial into the cauldron. It immediately formed a thin white layer across the top of the liquid.  
  
"Sexy! And there's Remus." James peered into the cauldron. "And Snape. The angle's a bit off." He tilted his head back. "They can't ... hear us, can they?"  
  
"No."  
  
--------------------------------Meanwhile--------  
  
"The thing you need to understand is ... well, let me put it this way." Severus propped himself up on one elbow, so he could watch Remus as he spoke. "Before the first year, before sorting, many of the families, if they're part of the same house, socialize. Especially if there are children. So everybody would have friends, once they're sorted."  
  
"Okay. I guess. I mean, my family wasn't really like that, but I understand what you mean."  
  
"Well ... my family has always been Slytherin. And quite a few others, as well. Including the Blacks. So, when we were younger ... all the children in the Slytherin families were friends. And that included Sirius."  
  
"Are you saying ..." Remus looked up, puzzled. "That you and Sirius ... were friends?"  
  
"I suppose. We did spend a lot of time together. We're very much alike, he and I."  
  
"So what happened?" Remus slid closer, intrigued.  
  
"Everyone was surprised when Sirius was sorted to Gryffindor. Him, most of all. He wasn't very receptive."  
  
"I remember."  
  
"It didn't change as much as we all thought; we were still friends, to some degree. But he was upset. Terribly upset. And ... he wasn't doing well."  
  
"How do you mean?"  
  
"In school. He was ... behind. So, over Christmas it was, Christmas of first year, all the Slytherin families had a great giant bash to celebrate the new house members. The Blacks were invited, of course, but, as you can imagine, it was incredibly awkward. The parents had no problem mingling, but Sirius was ashamed, and refused to talk the entire night. At some point ..." Severus stared at the floor, remembering. "The parents were talking about classes, and my mother and Sirius' mother started on about grades ... do you see where I'm going?"  
  
"No," Remus shook his head. "Sorry."  
  
"To make a short story even shorter," Severus sighed, "Sirius and his mother got into a very heated and very conspicuous argument as to why he wasn't doing as well as everybody else. And she decided to use me as an example. 'Severus is getting the top marks in Potions. Severus is getting the top marks in everything. Why aren't you?'"  
  
"Oh ... no ..."  
  
"Of course he went ballistic. At school he wouldn't stop picking on me, I was pressured to respond, and it escalated. By now I'm as much to blame as he is ... it's so ridiculous, but I still hate him."  
  
--------------------------------Meanwhile--------  
  
"Git." Sirius squared his jaw. "Bloody, fucking git. I ... why did he tell him that!" James eyed Sirius, hesitant to speak.  
  
"Is ... is that ... true?"  
  
"Of course it's true! But ..." Sirius' eyes were beginning to narrow. "Remus didn't have to know that."  
  
"Maybe ... this isn't such a good idea." James looked at Sirius' expression of hatred. "Now ... that I think about it."  
  
"Well maybe you should have thought about it before you agreed to help me with this."  
  
--------------------------------Meanwhile--------  
  
"I wish there were something I could do." Remus bit his lip. "I-"  
  
"Of course you do." Severus smiled, sitting up. "But there's nothing you can do."  
  
"It just seems so ... unfair!" The Gryffindor's eyes were sad. "You should still be friends."  
  
"We were never meant to be friends." Severus moved closer, awkwardly attempting to reassure his friend. "We're too much alike."  
  
"So you should be friends! All of this ... it's unnecessary!"  
  
"Don't worry about it."  
  
"I know." Remus looked glumly at Severus. "I ..." As he realized how close they were, he ran out of words, staring instead into his friend's eyes. The Slytherin looked startled.  
  
"Don't ... worry." Severus leaned forward, softly kissing Remus. Without hesitation Remus responded, opening his mouth and gently kissing back. They leaned against each other, flushed.  
  
--------------------------------Meanwhile--------  
  
James and Sirius sat wide-eyed, as Remus and Severus began to slowly grope at each other's robes.  
  
"I'll kill him."  
  
"I ... don't you think that's ... a little rash?" James gaped at the scene before them. "I ... oh, wow."  
  
"Look what he's doing to Remus. I swear, I'll do it." Sirius stood up, eyes burning. "I'll cut his fucking tongue out." Sirius glanced down at the cauldron, where the two boys were now even closer than before. He grabbed his wand, and made for the door. "I'm going down there, and I'm going to kill him."  
  
"Sirius-" James stepped in front of the door, barring the way. "Don't do anything stupid. And it's too late. You'll get caught in a minute."  
  
"Get the hell out of my way, you bastard."  
  
"No."  
  
"What do you mean, 'no?' Didn't you see what Remus has ditched us for?" Sirius punched his fist into the door, narrowly missing James. "Get out of the way!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Fine." Sirius began kicking at James' shins, trying to move the other boy. They were both startled, however, as somebody knocked loudly on the other side of the door.  
  
"Sirius?" A female voice called through the door. "What's going on in there?"  
  
"Shit." James mumbled. "Lily, everything's fine. We're just ... talking." The knob began to turn.  
  
"Don't let her in, Potter." Sirius glared at James, who jumped forward as the door opened behind him.  
  
"Talking? It sounds like canon fire! Do either of you care to explain?"  
  
"Not really." Sirius glared at her. "Leave us, Evans."  
  
"What've you got on over here?" Lily strode past Sirius, over towards the cauldron. "It looks like you've been ... oh, my!"  
  
"There's nothing here that concerns you." Sirius kicked the cauldron over, the contents splashing and fusing onto the wooden floor. James groaned. "Get out."  
  
"Lily, please." James grabbed her, leading her out the door. "I'll be back – don't do anything, Sirius." He called back, closing the door firmly behind him.  
  
"Was that – what I saw? Was –" Lily raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"I think so. Sirius was just on his way to petrify Snape."  
  
"Oh." Lily was a bit stunned. James, unable to resist, put an arm around her shoulder.  
  
"Just ... watch out for Remus? I don't think it would be a good idea for him to see Sirius tonight."  
  
"Okay. I won't mention anything."  
  
"Ta. A lot lot."  
  
"Sure thing." Lily watched James as he slipped back into his room to calm Sirius.  
  
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Liiike, wow! fans self Five page chapter. Didn't see that one coming. Another chapter verver soon. Now, I think I said at the beginning that story is supposed to be generic in terms of the plot – but I am attempting to show some different facets to the characters. Agree? Disagree? Comments? Questions?  
  
And FFNet for some reason won't let me use stars (as in shift 8) so I have to now write "Meanwhile." Gr.


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